"What If...Australia?"

NOTICE: I have never been blog friendly. For some reason I've had an odd personal vendetta against blogging, which IS stupid--I realize. I am also not a huge fan of technology, but I created a website initially. After patting myself on the back I then realized after filling up '7.7 Mb of 41.9' on my first entry, I did not have nearly enough room to write as often as I hoped. Unwillingly I caved to the idea that a blog, was in fact, what I wanted. Damn.

Anyway, if you saw my original website (which I think looked PRETTY neat), this first entry is the exact same piece that was on my website. If you've read it already, feel free to indulge again. If not...ENJOY! ~Carley B




A guy told me once that he liked my tenacity. I'm not sure if he knew it, not that I've ever disclosed this to him (hey if you're out there and you know that you've said this to me...thanks), but it was the best compliment anyone has ever given me. It's true, I'm tenacious. I can be downright stubborn if I want to be, and it has served me brilliantly thus far. I suppose that is what has brought me to this point: extreme stubbornness and tenacity. I have the tenacity to go after an idea and the stubbornness to actually achieve it despite the ample amount of absolutely not's, no way's, and you must be crazy's that are thrown in my face. So now, here I sit wondering...Am I crazy? Probably.

Of course I can never do things the easy way, the "normal" way. I can't be bothered to take the high road or the low road for that matter. I always manage to find myself on this jagged road with plenty of twists and bumps. Following this trend I take these "speed bumps" (which are meant to make "normal" people slow down) at extreme velocities. In other words, I can't really be slowed down, at least not once an idea pops into my head and I think those daring two words that so many of us fear..."what if?" So naturally, I couldn't student teach in New Hampshire like the rest of the teacher certification students, because what if I could do it somewhere else? What if I could do it across the world? What if I could return to a country that I had unexpectedly fallen so deeply in love with? I couldn't just be "placed" in a local school. I had mind enough to place myself where I wanted to be, and where I knew would provide the deepest cultural and educatioal experience I could possibly have. In my opinion, if I was paying for my own education, I could be educated and learn to educate anywhere my heart desired. So what if...Australia?

I'll first take a few moments to explain how I landed here...physically, landed. It always starts with someone who tells me "no." I suppose I should find each person in my life who has said no to me and thank them. That two letter word is usually the cause of most large decisions I make, and more often than not, the result is the exact opposite of what the person who said no was initially hoping for. For instance, getting your nose pierced when you are 18 seems like a large life decision, and after my dad told me no, it went at the top of my to do list, and soon after became an accomplishment. That is, until it became painfully infected and I removed it (by choice of course, because if you have noticed a setting trend, I usually can't easily be told what to do.) It's not that I LIKE being difficult, I just love proving people wrong. So when somebody thinks they are telling me I can't do something, they don't realize they are actually giving me the power to do whatever it is THEY think I can't do.

Let me clear up that I've learned to use my abilities to turn "You can't" into "yes I can" more productively than teenage rebellion.

Journeying Back..

On February 14th, 2009 after shedding my winter boots for flip flops in the airport, I boarded a plane in Boston that would take me to a place that would change my life completely. Of course this was only after a few people told me it would not be possible to go to Australia for a semester, which lit a fire under my butt to make it happen. I needed a change in life. I was bored with the same-scenerio-different-day routine and I have never accepted boredom with open arms, so Australia it was. My five months in Australia were incredible, heartfelt, passionate, intoxicating, and at times reckless. Coming home? Heart wrenching. I spiraled into a reverse culture shock, depression, mentally beat myself up, and eventally blamed the failure of a relationship on myself. It was a crap load of pointless guilt and after I finally decided I had endured enough pathetic self loathing I eventually snapped. That snapping of my heart strings caused a chain reaction of events which conclusively brings me here, onto another airplane a year later, sitting next to a stranger in plaid who has practically fallen asleep on my shoulder while reading a science fiction novel. It has also led me on a journey of self discovery. I am setting out again to not only discover what it means to be a teacher in another country, but I am setting out to REdiscover all the things I had previously known about myself that during this past year I may have lost sight of. Ironically, it has led me from one relationship that was not quite working, to five months of deep breathing and a lack of male influence, and slowly but surely into a new relationship that has shown me what it means to truly support a person you care about, even when they are doing something that does not benefit you. Here I am backtracking through a country filled with touchy territory and the boy I am NOW dating sits at home patiently waiting for my return. His support over the last 4 months has shown me how badly I need the next 4 months for nobody but myself. I won't bore you any longer with my sappy romantic comedy-esque love life, but I will point out what is relevant: Often times a person you care about becomes part of everything you do, but after my last relationship I've come to realize that nobody can EVER be part of EVERYTHING, because when that person leaves, you're left with nothing. I need something that's just mine. Australia, last time, meant one thing in itself. I shared it with somebody. Australia this time around will be just mine. I needed to know that I loved this country for what it was to me, not just who was in it. [SIDENOTE: I'd like to take a moment to thank all the people who have helped me get to where I am now, whether you've helped me overcome the physical or emotional obstacles, I could not have done this without you. While I worked very hard, I did not accomplish this alone]

I was sitting in my University's International Studies department with Jess, who has been my study abroad adviser since I first marched into the building as a bold little sophomore in college with dreams of going to Australia by her Junior year. I was now a Senior and that dream had come and past. It was September and I had only been back to school for a week. She walked over to me and sat down eager to hear about my travels. Before I could even get the words out to tell her a single detail I burst into hysterical tears. SO lame, right? But I felt tortured. Home was not home anymore. Home was not New Hampshire, or New England, or the USA for that matter. I felt like a greedy, selfish, ungrateful human being for having a warm home, a college education, great family and friends, and not wanting any part of it. Perhaps anyone out there who has studied abroad knows exactly how I felt, or perhaps I was alone in feeling this way. I felt like an alien in my own town, and I just didn't know how to live there anymore.

"We have to get you back there somehow" Jess said to me after I had been sitting in her office sobbing like a toddler who had been denied her rattle for 15 miinutes. Figuring out how was the difficult part. After shuffling through study abroad books, graduate schools, and internship packets, we came up with the idea of student teaching abroad. It was something neither of us had really heard of and Jess couldn't promise that it would work out, but she did promise to be on board. "I'm batting for you here, and I need to know that you're in this no matter what happens." Hearing somebody say that to me was the first sign of hope I'd seen in months. It felt like I wasn't alone anymore.Someone, ANYONE, was on my team. "I'm in" I replied.

After a few weeks, endless research, and a few different proposals, we were denied...which had been expected. This was something new that had never been done and would take a lot of work. After a few more weeks, more endless research, and gaining a few more people on our side, we were denied again and it was then we realized I had failed to hand in my student teaching application papers on time due to the work I had been putting in on a project that may or may not work out (of course in my mind it WAS going to work out). Surely, I looked like a raging idiot to these people, just a snobby senior stomping her foot demanding special treatment. After a few more weeks, MORE research, and more no's, I decided to meet with the people in charge myself. It was killing me knowing they had the power to deny me based on paperwork--rather than personality, progress, or persistance. As frustrated as I was, they had every right not to accept my offer. I decided to try to schedule a meeting with the teacher certification office and to my surprise they pleasantly accepted the meeting offer. I gathered all the information and research we had gathered including the high schools in Newcastle, Australia that I was interested in contacting, living arrangements in Australia that I had already confirmed, and samples of my work from previous practice teaching I had already completed. Going into that meeting I was not looking for a stamp of approval on my project, though I did want them to know I wasn't going to give up without a fight. Mostly, I wanted the respect of my university, and for whoever kept denying me to know that I was an intelligent, passionate, and dedicated young woman, (and perhaps a bit of a dreamer with a particular liking for education and adventure). I will say, following my dreams has never failed me. I've never gone after something and afterward thought, "Wow...I really wish I hadn't done that!" The dream paid off, and I walked out of the office with a trip to plan.

[Again: I can't say enough how grateful I am for being given the chance to experience this. Thank you everyone who helped make it possible for me to be here. I know it was a large pain-in-the-tooshie load of work, and I appreciate everything that everyone has done to make this possible!]

It was Amelia Earhart who said, "Adventure is worthwhile."
It's time to start adventuring.